Why It Is so Hard [for Me] to Find an Outstanding Spouse!

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A little waffly preamble
This is my second attempt at this post. Despite having quite a simple idea behind this post, the first attempt grew and grew and grew to thousands of words, and I still did not feel that I was managing to correctly identify and communicate my point. I think though that this second attempt has a tighter structure and so I have been able to be more concise – but as with most of my posts it is still thousands and thousands of words long!

Specific to me?
From the title of this post, it might sound quite specific to me as the writer of the post. However the concepts I talk about here are quite general so I hope it will also be relevant to anyone else who might be wondering just why they have struggled to find a spouse whom they could honestly consider truly outstanding.

New Realisation: Two years and 10 years.
For anyone new to my relationship writings, some of my ideas might seem extraordinary. First and foremost, I know it might sound immensely arrogant for me to say that I cannot find an outstanding spouse, as if I myself am outstanding. The simple truth is that I have invested a lot of effort into my relationship with God, and I very rarely meet anyone who has invested a comparable level of effort into their relationship with God.
Secondly my other very, very radical idea is that everyone should take two full years to carefully evaluate a potential spouse before embarking on a romantic relationship with them.
I know that two years is a long time, and a lot can happen within that time; people can get fed up of waiting around. Two years was chosen because that is the length of time that people say it takes to be sure that you really know someone well.

I am going to add to this post a further realisation that has only recently crystallised in my mind: when I am evaluating someone for two years, what I have been looking for (without realising it myself until now) is evidence of the character that he has already built up up until that point; it is not about how he could further grow as a person in terms of character; rather it is about the character strengths that he has already attained.

A further new realisation is that by my rough estimation, it would take about 10 years of concerted, determined effort and pursuit of phenomenal character for someone to grow outstanding character that will be sufficient for an outstanding marriage. That is, whether starting from a completely neutral position, or from already being “a nice person” or even being extremely not nice.

The two year evaluation length of time is in a way scientific, because it is widely recognised that this is the length of time that it takes to get an accurate understanding of someone else’s true character. Any period shorter than that and there is the possibility of being deceived.
However the 10 year figure is not scientific; I have chosen it for this post because it is a nice round figure, and represents a considerable length of time. What I am certainly sure about is that it does take a long time- many many years of sustained, deliberate effort – to grow phenomenal character. It does not happen accidentally. If someone has not deliberately, systematically, consistently and aggressively invested himself into developing phenomenal character – then he won’t have it.
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Yesterday’s article: Deserving You

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