The Strange Balance of Marriage

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I’ll start with a confession: I have only just thought of this blog post right now, while I was writing the postscript to my previous long post above, “Whatever you want in marriage.” All week my mind has been humming with ideas Huggie-Wuggie ideas, but none has struck me with sufficient conviction to write about just yet, OR they are a little too personal to my own life to be shared just now. All that said, this is not by any means a new idea, it is basically a further examination of something that I shared quite extensively last year, about legitimate self-concern versus unconditional love, I am offering it up in this reworked version because I believe I understand it better, it was actually while I was writing the postscript that further clarity dawned.

So here is the thing: marriage is a balance, but it is a very strange balance. (The irony is that I said all these things in my previous posts on the subject, which I am going to say now, but I am only truly grasping it myself now – it made sense intellectually then, but it is only now that my heart is really “getting” it, or seeing it!)
For marriage to work excellently, as an individual, you have to commit 100% to your spouse’s needs – no matter what. So imagine there are two huge boxes, balanced on a huge pair of scales: one is titled “My own needs” and the other is titled “My spouse’s needs”. As a spouse, I am making the commitment to focus only on the package called “My spouse’s needs” regardless of whatever may or may or not be happening with the box called “My own needs”.

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