Talking about Pornography and Sexual Fantasies

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Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame are completely useless and timewasting emotions for us as Christians. I don’t want anyone to succumb to feelings of guilt or shame as you are reading this post.  That is not the point of this post, or even the point of my relationship writings at all. The point is to acknowledge whatever you may be doing wrong, rise up and put it right if necessary.  Then move on and forget about it.

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This post has come about as a result of my posting a link to an article onto my Facebook wall.  Apparently frequently watching pornography potentially causes detrimental physiological effects for men.  The reason why I was especially happy to post a link to that article in particular is because it was apparently written from a “neutral” scientific perspective, rather than a Christian perspective.

That article is available here.  Well, as a result of my posting that link, a few voices requested that I myself should write an article on pornography.  I guess I should have seen that coming, but I genuinely did not, otherwise I might not have been so quick to post the link!  So here’s the requested article.  These are my initial reflections, as I have not had much time to pull together thoughts on this issue.

First and foremost…
I am going to hijack my own post for the sake of asking this question, which I must admit that I have considered often whenever pornography has been discussed.  Simply this:  Does every man struggle with this thing – or the overwhelming majority of men?  Even my holiest, purest, most prayerful brothers, full of fire and spiritual vigour – do they struggle with pornography as well?   Does this then mean that any potential husband of mine will also be struggling with this, no matter how holy he is and aspires to be? (At which I imagine that any men reading this are probably each shouting their answer at the screen just now!)

To my future husband, I would like to say this:  if this is your struggle, then I want to let you know that this does not diminish you in the slightest in my eyes. I still respect you so deeply and I would still be so deeply honoured to spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, I have made a big deal about how I am striving for Christ and pursuing holiness in all that I am and all that I do.  However, that does not mean that I have not had my own struggles, and continue to struggle in certain ways, and I appreciate that similarly “Huggie-Wuggie” will also have his own struggles, in which he is crying out to God.  Yes, I do have quite demanding criteria for my husband, as I expect he will also have for me….[but…]
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