Let’s Talk (Again!) About Doing the Pursuing!

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Video Intros Subblog: Let’s Talk (Again!) About Doing the Pursuing!

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Apologies in advance: this is a particularly waffly post! It is a subject that I struggle to understand, so I have literally thrown out all my thoughts on the subject in a way that might not particularly flow logically!

So we’re back to one of my favourite subjects on this blog. And that is this issue of “let the man do the pursuing”. I’m sure I have expressed this sentiment before, but my biggest confusion with this concept is that I simply do not understand how it works in practice. And quite clearly, I myself have asked more than one guy out before – so there have been a few instances where I definitely did not let the man do the pursuing!
I was thinking about it once again today (well yesterday now!) so let me once again do battle with this idea, to see whether I can squeeze out a little more light for myself.

So this is the possible revelation that just came to me just a few minutes ago. When people say “let him do the pursuing”, what this really boils down to in practice is “let the man do the choosing”. Let him choose you, and let him make that choice clear in pursuing you, then you as a woman can decide whether to accept or decline that particular man’s choice of you. Which means that if there is any other man whom you might have chosen instead blissfully walking around unawares – too bad girl! Which means that you have to wait for an appropriate man to choose you. I guess on reflection this is not in itself a bad idea. I guess the question is this: if someone you would have chosen does not think of you “in that way” then why hasn’t he thought of you “in that way”? Perhaps that just shows that he has not chosen you. And yet if I am to be perfectly honest, perhaps the reason I have such issues with this particular idea is because I quite clearly expect to be actively choosing my husband, not just passively waiting for the right guy to choose me. I’m not saying that “I’m the one going to be doing the choosing” but rather that I am definitely going to be doing some choosing of my own alongside his own choosing.

To me this is sheer common-sense. As a woman with her own extremely ambitious life goals and her own dreams, then of course I am going to go out to deliberately find the spouse who most closely ties in with that. Why should this even be controversial?! And yet it is of course. This is possibly the most offensive aspect of this blog, the idea that a woman might be a human being in her own right, not just someone’s potential help-meet, and that she should choose her husband as surely as he chooses her, to fit in with her own life goals. Surely marriage could successfully be about two people mutually choosing one another?

Let’s put it this way: I am definitely going to be active about my life generally. I am DEFINITELY going to be active about my choice of spouse, the single most important decision of my life, after following Christ – hello?!

Letting him do the choosing: advantages
I guess one of the biggest advantages of letting the man do the choosing is that you know that you are dealing with a man who is ready for a relationship. This is a good thing! And yet, there are so many issues with this idea which I have personally dealt with. I hope to show you why in practice this blanket statement of “let him do the choosing” is largely impracticable, or at least it seems impracticable for me.

I have sat down and thought about marriage and relationships a very very very great deal. From my personal experience of people and relationships I have sat down and thought up the two year thing. I confidently expect that I have thought about marriage far more than most men out there. This includes most men who would “choose” me, most men who have tried to make me their “choice” in the past, and even most men who I myself would choose, or could choose. We all have our strengths in different areas – yes? I would not despise someone or reject him just because he has not thought about marriage as much as I have. Because of the extent to which I have thought about relationships and marriages, my understanding about relationships and how to invest in them, and how to start them off might just be stronger than his – even if he will ultimately be the leader in the relationship. I might just be the more natural leader in this particular aspect of the relationship.


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