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Video Intros Subblog: Communication Meltdown!
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20% Summary of Article
Recently I found myself down one of those internet article rabbit holes, where I will almost compulsively start reading one article after another, and I will find it almost impossible to drag myself away from the next article, and the next and the next and the next and the next, and it invariably happens when I should be sleeping! Anyway during this particular session I came across an article, which is apparently about what men secretly wish that they could ask on their first dates. One of the questions particularly caught my eye, and it was this one:
If you get upset, will you tell me why or just ignore me and treat me like [“very badly”] for not knowing the reason?’
The reason this particular question caught my eye is because, to be honest, this is something that I personally do. I just walk away from people without giving an explanation. But here is the thing: I always feel that they should know why!
These are some of the reasons why I usually do not give an explanation:
In short, communication on the whole requires lots of hard work. I find it hard enough to communicate when I am the one who has acted wrongly. However, when it is someone else, it takes me a really big effort to be able to correctly gauge how to express disappointment without sliding into sarcasm or rudeness. I spend ages thinking about how to express it. And you know what? I actually resent it: that they should have acted wrongly and I am the one having to invest all the effort into working out how to graciously communicate my disappointment. Especially when they should know that they have done something wrong. So this why I usually don’t bother making an explanation when I feel that the other person should know what they did wrong – not only should they know what they did wrong, but by not acknowledging their actions they are then also foisting on me the responsibility of putting things right, and then some people will even act like they don’t know they did anything wrong. I resent being the one to make all the effort in a relationship. This is not just about romantic relationships, but about all interactions with other people. In these sorts of interactions I will often just walk away, and if they want to reinstate the friendship, then they can be the ones to make the effort.
Another big issue is that these things often happen when you are still trying to get to know one another. I recently read somewhere something with which I strongly agree: that criticism has to be earned.
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Please stay tuned for tomorrow’s article: A Story That Needs to Be Told
Yesterday’s article: The Character Characteristics