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Video Intros Subblog: All About Two Years
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In this post I would like to write about my personal conviction regarding “the two year theory”. For people who do not regularly follow my relationship writings, what I mean by that is the idea of getting to know someone for a full two years before starting a romantic relationship with them. It is an idea that has developed over the course of my writing these posts to the point where I would like to crystallise it into its own post.
I was discussing this issue with one of my sisters a few weeks ago, and she disagreed with this whole two year theory altogether. Reflecting on our discussion, it occurred to me that this “two year theory” is my own personal conviction. It is based on my own personal experiences with individuals and with churches. I am not saying that God cannot work differently for other people, to bring about a viable and powerful relationship after you have only known someone even for a matter of weeks, or months. I am not even saying that God might not work differently for me. In my own case it is entirely possible that God might inspire something between me and someone I have not known for up to two years. However, as things currently are, this “two year theory” is my default position. I am willing to consider alternative paths only if God very strongly and very unmistakably shows otherwise. Otherwise I am utterly committed to waiting a full two years before considering anyone romantically.
These are some of the thoughts that have occurred to me about this:
The period of two years is not just a random length of time I chose from nowhere. It was chosen because that is the length of time that is generally accepted as being long enough to reliably get to know someone. If you’ve only known someone for a single year, then it is entirely possible that you might be deceived by their character. Perhaps “deceived” is too strong a word – perhaps “mistaken” would be kinder. However, there are definitely some people – especially Christians – who go around pretending to be different from what they are. In fact, a little confession – I myself – very very deliberately – often go to different churches deliberately not revealing the intensity of my commitment to Christ; combined with my simple dressing, this lets people think I am the Christian equivalent of an unassuming little mouse. This is not really for the sake of deceiving a future husband though, because I definitely plan to reveal who I am so that he would see the real me. (If he bothered to read my writings, he would see the “real me” in a trice.) Rather, it is for the sake of assessing and evaluating the churches and the people within them, and how they treat people who they think are small, or how they act when they do not see any particular reason to try to impress someone. It is also to assess the extent of the Spirit of God within people; if they had the Spirit of God working powerfully within them, then they should be able to tell.
I flatter myself that I must be quite a good actress, because most people seem to fall for it – that is, the idea that I think of myself as being small or that I do not claim any deep commitment to Christ – which, frankly, they would not do if they were deeply plugged into the Spirit of God…
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