Main post originally published 16 December 2012
I used to think that communication would be comparatively easy within marriage. In my mind, before two people decide to go out with one another, the time leading up to that decision can be filled with all manner of awkwardness, and dancing around. How do you subtly let someone know that you might be interested in them? And then once you are actually in the relationship, more awkwardness, as you diplomatically try to define boundaries, and work out whether you are both genuinely going in the same direction, and whether marriage would actually be a good idea. And then, to my mind, marriage would be a golden state, where you have actually managed to work through all these issues, and learned how to talk to one another, and you get to enjoy the relatively easy and straightforward communication. After all, you already know how you feel about one another, you have both already stood up to declare yourselves publicly. What else is there to feel awkward or vulnerable about?
Because of this, I actually used to wish that I could just wake up married one day, with all the awkwardness dealt with and behind me.